Friday, 9 December 2011

The Friday Column - Closure


I was inspired to write this Friday Column after reading an article in the local paper. The article was about an elderly man who had put a ‘where are they now’ notice in the paper for the girlfriend he had had when he was aged 19.

The piece was a follow up to tell us that a relative of the lady in question had contacted the gentleman to inform him that sadly she had died a few years ago. He had wanted to get in touch with her as he had walked away from the relationship without telling her why all those years before as he had felt he was too young for the commitment.  He wanted to explain to her why he had done this but alas he had left it so late that he never got the chance.  I think that it must have been playing on his mind all these years and it made me wonder how the lady in question felt, had it affected her at all.

Reading the article took me back to my own experience.. I was in a relationship once in which the other person one day just texted me to say it was over. That was it; I never had any contact from them again. I was devastated and hurt. I wondered what I had done wrong, what had happened, the questions I needed answers to but would never get. By walking away the person had denied me the chance to get closure and move on. I don't mean to be so dramatic but that is how it felt at the time!

Out of the blue he contacted me many years later, said he was going abroad for a while and just wanted to say that it wasn’t anything I had done, he was young and he had been an idiot. I was most surprised that he had taken the time to explain.  It was such a strange feeling receiving that email, a huge weight was lifted from my mind and suddenly I was able to forget about him, compartmentalise that period of my life and move on.

I don't think I am alone in having felt this way. I believe that all over the world there are men and women feeling this very same way from the lack of closure. A relationship break up his hard enough without knowing the reasons why.

If you have walked away from a relationship with no explanation, do you ever wonder if you should have explained or are you perfectly happy to have left it how it was?

Would you consider getting back in touch to explain your reasons for leaving?  

Have you been affected by the lack of closure on a relationship? Would it have helped to understand why your relationship ended? 


  1. I guess I have had both - one where I just realised we weren't compatible, but didn't explain - I believe it would have hurt him to tell him how I felt, and one where my boyfriend of 6 years said on the phone one day, "we won't see each other again will we" and we didn't ................. yes I still wonder!

  2. Great post... made me think back many many many years :)

    I actually had a FB message from an ex the other day. Totally out of the blue. He was the one who dumped me but he's now getting divorced and told me that he stil has feelings for me :| I totally freaked out as I've been married for 11 years and don't want anything to do with him...

    Sort of felt bad though to just tell him to bugger off :|

    It would be nice to get an explanation from another person, but it's been so long that it's actually no longer an issue at all...

  3. I have bookmarked it. .This post is really very interesting


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